This week marked a pretty big and unexpected milestone. The kids have their adopted first and last name on a printed document!!
Pool passes.
Okay… so it’s not a legal document, but it is something furnished by another party that has big brother and little sister’s NAMES on them.
Pardon me while I do a little celebratory dance. 🙂
How did this happen? My husband is brilliant. When he went to buy the pool passes he was asked for a headshot of each family member to print individual pool passes. He didn’t have a headshot for the kids or me so he paid for the family pass, got his pass printed, and came home. [He’s a teacher so he’s working on art at home for the summer and helps with errands which I truly appreciate.] Because he was thoughtful about what he was doing he asked for the names to have the same last names as ours and little sister’s first name got shortened to what it will be.
Meanwhile… I’m not exactly sure what to do to prepare my heart or the kiddos’ understanding for June 27. Recap… the play therapist says to treat this like any other visit and not to mention the goodbye piece in advance as that is a message the bio family should carry.
Earlier in the week it dawned on my husband and me that while our kiddos have been taught about foster care and forever families during play therapy… they haven’t been taught that communication with their bio family could cease once they are adopted.
A little education here… Missouri is a closed adoption state. That means that adoptive parents have the authority to decide to maintain or not maintain contact with the bio family. Now, when our kids are 18 years old they could decide to find their bio family – many adopted children do. But, that doesn’t mean that we would be required to subject the years between now and age 18 to involving bio family members.
Back to the 27th… I’m still searching for a carrot. The plan is for the kids to be back at our home by 5PM so the play therapist can come over for a debrief session. I had originally thought to tell the kids that her coming over was the carrot (as we normally meet at her office) but then it dawned on me that renting a car doesn’t make much sense with this sequence of events. Another thought is to do something special for breakfast along Hwy 70 – in Columbia or Kansas City on the way to the visit – to have a reason to rent a car and go for a long drive.
Curious if you were in my shoes,
1. What would you do to prepare your children?
2. What would you use as a carrot?
published 6/4/2015
My grandma passed away when my daughter was 3. I was concerned about her reaction to an open casket. A wise older women told me that they will follow your lead. Don’t be anxious. Keep it simple and don’t over talk, but let them ask the questions. It sounds like you will have to react rather than prepare the kids. However, we can pray that God will prepare them and protect their hearts.
As far as a carrot goes, what about a special gift used for car trips- a bean bad travel desk with color safe coloring books. When my kids were young we had organizers that hung on the seat in front of them. We would only use these for car trips and kept them stocked with fun activities. You can also do a simplified scrapbook/binder with their names on the front. They can add flyers and print material from the places you visit as a family.
If they haven’t listened to books on cd, that may add some variety to the road trip home. Rent them from the library and surprise them on the way back.
You are an amazing couple! Strength to you as the day draws near!
Stephanie: Those are very wise words. Thank you for sharing them. I will give some thought to an activity bag. I am still stumped on giving them a reason for the long drive. We usually tell them 30 min out that we are making a stop to see their first family. Ideas welcome.