my attitude explained.

You might have read the recent update and wondered, “Why isn’t Marcy much happier with the outcome?”  You’re so receptive because I do typically exude exclamation.

It’s because bio dad requested a May visit so that he could celebrate little sister’s birthday – which is in late May.

My interpretation on how this would come from bio dad… “Hey little sister… I know I’ve been in prison for every single birthday you’ve had so far but I want to be there this year to celebrate your birthday… and… oh by the way… goodbye.”

When the social worker explained this caviaut, I expressed my concern about the trauma this would trigger every year when my husband and I are there and little sister has a birthday and remembers the traumatic goodbye.  The social worker explained he’s been in prison and missed her birthdays.

Well, I’m sorry but I’m bent out of shape.

I filtered my negatively – or honest emotions – to our licensing worker who said she could see things from both sides.  I shared this detail with a few close friends who responded, “A small sacrifice if he signs the papers.”

So I figured I was the one going coocoo for cocoa puffs.

Then, I heard back from the kiddos’ therapist.  She was appalled (emphasis mine).

She’s going to advocate that the final – goodbye – visit not be a bday party slash adios visit.  She understands that bio dad wants to do something special to celebrate little sister’s birthday but she also pointed out that big brother will forever remember that his birthday wasn’t celebrated with bio dad and his sister’s was.  So he will wonder why.  The therapist is going to suggest that the visit that is scheduled for a week from today be a dual (both kiddo) birthday celebration.  I’m not 100% a fan of this because we have been trying to make the visits less about gifts and more about spending time together, but given the alternative I think this is a wise sequence of events.  April visit being for a birthday celebration and May visit being much short in duration and focused on the goodbye aspect.

In reality, bio dad could get miffed and delay the process.  But, I believe if he really cares about the best interests of his children he will see how harmful this would be to play out the way he requested.

Please join us in praying for a compromise that keeps big brother and little sister first.

published 4/11/2015

Published by MarcyBursac

Marcy is an adoptive mom of a sibling pair. Adoption was her Plan A. While remote schooling her children during the pandemic, Marcy felt compassion for the remaining 120,000 U.S. children who are waiting in foster care to be adopted. Wanting to share that foster care adoption is the most affordable way to adopt with a financial cost of $0-$2,500, she wrote a book and started a podcast both called "The Forgotten Adoption Option" to find more forever families.

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