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insert any four letter word

(This post reads like Mad Libs.)

For those of you who have known me for awhile, your mouth might have just dropped seeing the title.  My dad says that certain four letter words are great for relieving stress.

The first part of this week I was able to distract myself from the upcoming weekend reality by focusing on two big projects at work.  Then, this morning, I woke up and realized Saturday is just a few days away and – four letter word – the long drive across state filled with a three hour visit with first dad is really going to happen.  And – four letter word – my husband and I not only get to make the trek but we also get to – four letter word – help the kiddos process the – four letter word – ‘ing visit.  A visit that doesn’t make a – four letter word – of sense except that it keeps the case from going to the court of appeals.  Well, four letter word.

Time is really all that is left.  In due time everyone keeps telling us that first dad will either overcome or fail.  So here we are.  48 hours from making the trip and I’m going to choose my attitude.  While my insides are burning with four letter words I am going to choose to put on my big girl panties and be the mom that big brother and little sister need me to be.  I’m going to make Saturday positive.  I’m going to tell them about the field trip that is planned to an exciting place in Kansas City.  I am going to tell them 30 minutes before the bio family visit that we are making a stop, who they might see, and how we will be there to pick them up and then take them to the fun place in Kansas City.  I will then be there to sit in the middle of their seats to help process the visit during the drive to Kansas City, during the drive to St. Charles and during the hours, days, and months ahead – while my insides are screaming four letter words.

It hurts to watch all this – four letter word – happen.

The good news is that at the end of the weekend we know they will be in our home.  Our safe and stable home.

published 3/5/2015

 

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