We gained a handful of insights today that clarified some additional steps to our process. In short, it’s feasible that between now and December we will be waiting for the legal process to unfold.
Now is not a time for our family to feel overwhelmed with fear or doubt. Instead we are praying to be overwhelmed with joy and hope. I need to share that I have this tiny piece of paper in a prayer box that a friend gave me… it reads “big brother and little sister to be adopted by May 2015”. I’m not sure of God’s timing, but as Kari Jobe so beautifully sings it, “I Am Not Alone.”
When I walk through deep waters
I know that You will be with me
When I’m standing in the fire
I will not be overcome
Through the valley of the shadow
I will not fear
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me
In the midst of deep sorrow
I see Your light is breaking through
The dark of night will not overtake me
I am pressing into You
Lord, You fight my every battle
And I will not fear
You amaze me
You call me as Your own
You’re my strength
You’re my defender
You’re my refuge in the storm
Through these trials
You’ve always been faithful
You bring healing to my soul
Time unfolds all cycles. We saw this prove true for first mom. Now we are waiting on first dad.
I’d really like to share with you more about this… but I can’t get myself to type much more. This past week was especially difficult on a level I hadn’t been faced with before. I know we all come from differing lifestyles, past experiences, and value systems. I truly see hope for everyone involved in our story. At the same time while I value individual opinions it hurts to hear some pity or cast judgement on those involved. Until I can find a balance to sharing pieces of what is going on in ways that will protect those involved from judgement… I am going to refrain. Big brother, little sister, first mom, first dad, my husband, and my mental health are more important.
I am learning that it doesn’t matter my timing or my plans. Who cares if big brother starts kindergarten with his adopted last name. This is no longer important. I am instead finding peace knowing that these two precious children who my husband and I are blessed to live with with be living with us throughout this journey. There is no longer much fear of them “rebounding” into the system. While we would be willing to activate our back up plan of maintaining our foster care license to be available to these two when they return to care… I am now more confident that their residence will not change. And for this, I am grateful and in this… I find joy.