no one could tell me what to expect

As the end of my third trimester of this journey approaches, there are several things I’ve learned along the way and there are other things that… let’s just say I’m asking for prayer on how to be prepared.  Maybe someone should write “What To Expect When You’re Adopting Through Foster Care” as a compliment to “What To Expect When You’re Expecting”.

In the past 9 months…

  • I have gained a deeper appreciation for patience, singing instructions, meal planning, and “carrots”.  I don’t know if I could have made it to this point without sandwiching some of the emotionally most difficult moments with an adventure or a cookie.
  • My heart has grown.  I love big brother and little sister more and more each day.  They make me proud as they gain confidence, overcome anger issues, and accept that everyone makes mistakes – even me.
  • My understanding has widened.  I can honestly say I think foster care is mis-understood beyond what any training, blog, or fellow foster parent tells us.  Our journey to adopt through foster care has lots of moving pieces which have resulted in me drawing a flow chart or two for my husband so it’s understandable when family, colleagues, and friends are totally confused on the latest insights.
  • I have dealt with a flood of feelings I hadn’t anticipated.  Meeting the first mom 90 days after the kiddos moved in was interesting and then seeing her every 2 weeks has been another dynamic to stomach in my head and heart.
  • I agree with my dad that Jerry Springer could gain viewership if all the pieces of our story could be shared publicly.

The upcoming weeks…

I am asking for your continued support:

  • as we endure another 4 to 7+ months of monthly roadtrips across the state and increased court dates.
  • as we prepare the children to be re-introduced to their first dad who they haven’t seen in 3+ years. (This detail to the story is complicated.  These visits are necessary to keep the case from getting appealed.  Yes… I agree with you that this is inviting added drama and confusion to the children’s lives.  I can’t change this element of the foster care system… at least not yet.)
  • as we prepare to support the children through saying “goodbye” to their first mom.
  • as I consider writing an encouragement letter to the first mom.  I honestly don’t have any ill-will towards her.  I concurrently believe the children need an adoptive home to break the cycles that would otherwise follow them while at the same time I believe the first parents have potential to move on and find a way to contribute to society in a positive way.  And my heart wants the first parents to be successful.

What has it been like for you to read our journey?  I’d love to know the things that go through your mind as you read my posts.

published 2/7/2015

Published by MarcyBursac

Marcy is an adoptive mom of a sibling pair. Adoption was her Plan A. While remote schooling her children during the pandemic, Marcy felt compassion for the remaining 120,000 U.S. children who are waiting in foster care to be adopted. Wanting to share that foster care adoption is the most affordable way to adopt with a financial cost of $0-$2,500, she wrote a book and started a podcast both called "The Forgotten Adoption Option" to find more forever families.

Leave a Reply