and the timeline increases…

Option A didn’t happen today.  But neither did option B.

Instead not enough evidence was found and a new meeting is set for Fri. Feb. 6, 2015.

At first, the communication was unclear and vague as to if the children were moving back with bio mom.  That stung.  That resulted in me in a lot of tears.  Then my husband and I reached out for support from dear friends who let us crash at their place, eat dinner, and process what could be going on.  I cried.  My husband expressed being angry and feelings of being mislead.  I thought that while our babysitter was tending to the kiddos we would just cry on the shoulders of our friends.  Instead, our friends who are oh so patient and caring helped us realize we were missing a LOT of information.  We emailed over a long list of questions and by the time we got home to talk with our babysitter about how the night went, we had a reply that cleared up a LOT of our misconceptions.

Here’s what we know:

1.  there is a lot that still remains unknown… but that’s been the case since the kiddos moved in on May 15.

2.  we remain willing… willing to keep big brother and little sister safe and to love them without holding back.

In the past 24 hours I learned just how vulnerable it is to have a blog.  I told one of my sisters it’s like standing in front of a mirror naked and people just walking by. After seeing the traffic reports I realized there are a lot of people who are reading our story.  About 10% of them – 1 in every 10 people – are liking the posts on Facebook and about 1% are writing comments.  You might be reading our journey and feeling like you don’t have much to say, but I bet you are feeling and thinking things that would be a HUGE encouragement to our journey if you wrote a comment or sent me a message or a text.

Please remind us we are not doing this all alone.  We need your support and words of encouragement to keep pressing on.  Something tells me the fight for the future of big brother and little sister has just yet begun.

published 12/22/2014

Published by MarcyBursac

Marcy is an adoptive mom of a sibling pair. Adoption was her Plan A. While remote schooling her children during the pandemic, Marcy felt compassion for the remaining 120,000 U.S. children who are waiting in foster care to be adopted. Wanting to share that foster care adoption is the most affordable way to adopt with a financial cost of $0-$2,500, she wrote a book and started a podcast both called "The Forgotten Adoption Option" to find more forever families.

24 thoughts on “and the timeline increases…

  1. I’m so sorry. This is such a confusing process. I know that your kids, the bio mom, and bio dad all have attorneys, but who is representing you? Were you able to attend the hearing? Do you have someone who is providing you with good, clear information? My heart aches for you. Unsettling is the word that comes to mind. I hate to feel unsettled. I hope that you are provided with answers quickly. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    1. Thank you for the prayers! Good questions! This particular meeting was a staffing and we are not allowed as foster parents to be present. We do attend court hearings and make a statement each time. We have been wavering on obtaining our own lawyer. We are getting more counsel in this area over the next month to better understand our options. The state of Missouri has made a few adjustments this year that give foster parents the ability to file termination of rights and also to have legal preference once kiddos are in their care at 9 months. We are 7 months in. We are doing reseach to better understand these new statutes.

      1. Sounds like a good thing that things were pushed back two months then! Praying for you guys. God has this! “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus” –one of my life verses! Give thanks to God and lift your prayers to him and he will fill you with his supernatural peace. Love you.

  2. Praying for you and that the Lord will bless and comfort you and the kiddos. I know how hard this is – I have tears as I write. It is hard to love children and then sometimes have to let them go – the pain is hard – but knowing you have made an eternal impact is sooooo worth it. I miss the kids we have had in our care – especially Gary since we had him for 15 months. However, I know we made a positive impact on his life and that is what I hold onto in times of sadness. I also try to remember that God has called us to help these precious children – just as He helped us. You guys are doing a great job – hang in there – keep praying and seeking His peace and wisdom. He will direct your paths. Please have a very Merry Christmas and praying that 2015 will bring a stable permanency to your children!!!

    1. It IS hard. Harder than I feel we thought it would be. Honestly, I don’t think we had any idea what a prematurely-labeled legal-risk placement would be like. When I can remember it’s a journey, it’s fun and exciting but then sometimes it’s a heartache and I simply want the hard pieces to be over. I am glad that 2014 brought Gary permanency. I am glad this journey has crossed our paths. And I’m glad you and sweet Gary helped us find a great pre-school for big brother and little sister.

  3. I don’t know how to best love you in this time other than pray, other than feel alongside you. I hear you seeking reassurance, and all I know is we have a God of hope. I love you saying you remain willing, what a sweet gift to those kids. What a beautiful thing to offer them.

  4. Marcy: I would encourage you to consult with an experienced child custody/adoption attorney, familiar with the foster process, assuming you can find such. I believe having a knowledgeable advocate in your corner could help you through the process.

    1. Agree, Tom. We are researching such attorneys in our region as well as near the kiddos’ home town. Navigating this process from the opposite side of the state has taught us not all resources are created equal in pace and in perspective.

  5. You are not alone. You will never be alone. You are dedicated. Loving. Nurturing. Patient. Kind. Smart. Wonderful. Giving. Hard working. Generous. Strong. Courageous. Meek. Sincere.

    You are a mom.

    Gods words are not empty words. And it is OK to be struggling. It is ok to fall apart. But it’s not ok to give up. PRESS ON. and CARRY ON. Those kids need their mom o fight for them. Humbly.

    Your not alone.

    “I am not alone” by KARI Jobe

  6. I was very frustrated with the foster care system many times of the years. It took a long time to terminate rights and I was not able to adopt K because of the worker messing up. It can be rough, but God has chosen you for those children. Call me anytime!

    I met several lawyers that handle child custody cases; all sides. Also, the judge that handled K’s case is no longer on the bench there. I don’t know if he is in private practice, but I could find out.

    1. Pat: We were told today that two years is the maximum amount of time which means we have just over a year left. If there is one thing I want to improve before I leave this world…. it’s this entire system/process.

  7. Hi Marcy

    I see your posts all the time and I just started reading your blog. I pray for you and Nathan and the kiddos that the best decision gets made. You are truly an inspiration in what you and Nathan are doing. My husband and I never had children but I can feel every ounce of what you are going through in my heart.

    My husband and I just had to make a difficult decision in our lives and reading of your hope and love for the kids and the support of your family and friends is truly uplifting and in turn gives me hope.

    God bless you Marcy and I hope you. Nathan and the children have the best Christmas ever.

    1. Christine: Thank you for sharing how this online diary is uplifting you and giving you hope. I just saw your Facebook update. I pray that time pass slowly for you these coming minutes and hours. May the photographic part of your memory play joyful times on repeat. In the words Kari Jobe as Haeli mentioned above “you are not alone.”

  8. I know we didn’t know each other well at Belmont, but I’ve been following your journey and paying for you, your husband and those sweet kids. I’m so inspired by your love and hard work for their safety and well being, both physical and mental. Merry Christmas to you all!

    1. Claire: Great to know you’re following along and walking alongside us in this journey! Please feel free to add any questions along the way you have. We want to be as transparent as possible!

  9. I read each time you share. I am praying for God to be present in the decision. Although I have never been in a situation like this, I have been through the roughest of rough and I always held on to this prayer:
    God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
    Also remember to be strong in your Faith,
    “when you come to the edge of all you know, you have one of two options, step and land on solid ground, or spread your wings and fly.
    Stay Faithful!

  10. This has to be such a difficult process, but you are being and will continue to be blessed by following God’s leading for you and keeping your hearts vulnerable to the potential hurts and joys that come with this journey! Praying the very best for those kiddos!

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