These raw posts are my 18-month journey of adopting a sibling pair through the U.S. foster care system.
My hope is that reading a glimpse of my family’s journey will inspire others to pursue foster care adoption.
Please pray for Monday
Since the kiddos came into our care in May we have been anticipating a meeting that is happening on Monday. This meeting can begin the process of legal permanency for the children in a forever adoptive home (with us). Please join us in praying specifically for: safety for big brother and little sister evidence unity…
3 things that keep me up at night
Bio family concerns I wonder how bio mom and dad must feel to know their children may not return to their arms. Sometimes I am angry at their decisions. Sometimes I just want to jump in and help them make better decisions in the future. Sometimes I ponder if we adopt what communication with…
How babies are born
In the past week, we started reading a kids’ devotional at breakfast. Yesterday morning the word was “born”. I hadn’t read beyond the word of the day so I wasn’t sure where this was going. One of the realities of being a foster mom is I didn’t physically give birth to the children. This is a sensitive…
Balancing adjustments
Becoming a foster parent means modifying your lifestyle. Here are some things we’ve started incorporating into our lives in the past 7 months: Home visits A social worker visits within the first 24 hours of placement, then weekly for the first month, then every 2 weeks for the second month, then monthly until the child…
3 family road trip essentials
It’s Friday night and we just put the kids in bed. I’d like to relax, wind down, and maybe even get in some extra sleep. Instead, my husband and I are busy collecting items from around the house to make tomorrow’s day-long road trip as smooth as it can go. I just tip-toed to the…
The lifetime impact of tomorrow’s decision explained
When I started this blog, I made a commitment to myself to share our story as out loud as we could while protecting identities and by protecting what the children might read down the road. In light of tomorrow’s meeting, I feel like I should share with you how what happens tomorrow impacts our hearts…
and the timeline increases…
Option A didn’t happen today. But neither did option B. Instead not enough evidence was found and a new meeting is set for Fri. Feb. 6, 2015. At first, the communication was unclear and vague as to if the children were moving back with bio mom. That stung. That resulted in me in a lot…
Traditional vs. Legal-Risk Foster Care Placements
Over the course of our journey we have learned there are some misconceptions about foster care and exactly the role my husband and I are playing. So in an effort to clarify, my husband suggested writing a post on the topic of traditional foster care placements and legal-risk foster care placements. What is foster care?…
lies we filter
Since my husband and I are not present for family visits sometimes finding out details of what big brother and little sister experience and are told is a mystery until they talk about it. Tonight’s bedtime routine… Big brother: (Points to the picture by his bed of his classmates and tells me the name of…
if I were to make a BuzzFeed video
I would share brief dialogue clips from conversations we have had with others in 2014. When my husband and I went through the licensing process to become an adoptive home for children in foster care, we learned that a good portion of our role is to educate… might I say “re-educate”… the general public. There…
Expectant Mama Here
This post was written back in January of this year for a friend’s website focused on motherhood. As 2014 comes to an end, I thought it rather fitting to re-post these thoughts from 12 months ago. Becoming a mama can be a bag of mixed emotions. Excitement, fear, and everything in between. Marcy explores the…
All that babysitting paid off
I babysat on the side in high school, college, and with my first full-time job. I saw how my parents raised my sisters and me and liked certain pieces. As I sit down and look at the way I parent, I see some of my mom, some of my dad, and some of the families…
the Disney World effect
It was nearly a year ago when my husband and I were first licensed as foster parents. While we waited to be matched we helped provide respite for a few foster families. About Respite Care Respite is temporary (1-10 or so days) overnight care for children who are placed in a foster home. You can…
firsts we’ve celebrated
We weren’t living together for first steps or first words. So far, the firsts we have celebrated with little sister and big brother include… first time learning what full feels like first time drinking bubble tea first time playing hot potato first time spraying whipped cream by yourself first time learning what marriage is, why…
I didn’t realize I am on a list of only 25
Did you know that an equal number of babies and foster children are adopted each year? In our country, 38% of adoptions are private (mainly infants), 37% are through foster care, and 25% are international. I couldn’t quite grasp why there are so many children stuck in foster care until I saw the data… In…
10 lies people believe about foster care
This post needs no introduction. But in the SchoolHouse Rock’s spirit – “Knowledge Is Power!” Lie #1. The purpose of foster care is to provide permanent homes for children. Fact: The purpose of foster care is to provide a temporary home for children until their family can be stabilize. Lie #2. Only younger adults…
songs of strength
Over the course of our journey, there have been highs and lows. After the recent delay, I decided to compile a list of the songs that are strengthening our hope. Joy of the Lord – Bethel Music & Jenn Johnson Explode My Soul – Melissa Helser Do Something – Matthew West My God Is So…
At some point you will be hotlined
During our foster care licensing courses (STARS classes) we were told we would be hotlined at some point. But what we weren’t told is: How exactly the hotline process works. 1. Someone reports a concerning behavior via the Child Protection Hotline. The someone could be a teacher, neighbor, family member, foster parent (us), etc. The…
raw.
I avoid roller coasters. The feeling of being tossed and turned – fast and upside-down – on a ride by choice is not something I enjoy. Yet, I feel like this process is a figurative roller coaster that I just realized I’m on and I hope that when the ride is over I can take…
so this Friday…
is the next time the legal team is meeting. This is the postponed meeting from December. It’s possible the team will either: (A) agree to file paperwork to get a TPR (termination of parental rights) hearing scheduled or (B) yet again grant another extension. If (A): the hearing will likely be 4-6 months down the road…
no one could tell me what to expect
As the end of my third trimester of this journey approaches, there are several things I’ve learned along the way and there are other things that… let’s just say I’m asking for prayer on how to be prepared. Maybe someone should write “What To Expect When You’re Adopting Through Foster Care” as a compliment to “What…
it might be time for another flow chart.
We gained a handful of insights today that clarified some additional steps to our process. In short, it’s feasible that between now and December we will be waiting for the legal process to unfold. Now is not a time for our family to feel overwhelmed with fear or doubt. Instead we are praying to be…
another bittersweet milestone.
My life partner is across the state tonight. He just arrived at our friends’ house. He’ll get a a little sleep and then make the rest of the trek in the morning to be at big brother and little sister’s permanency hearing. (I have a work project that leaves me in town until the end…
insert any four letter word
(This post reads like Mad Libs.) For those of you who have known me for awhile, your mouth might have just dropped seeing the title. My dad says that certain four letter words are great for relieving stress. The first part of this week I was able to distract myself from the upcoming weekend reality by…
We survived.
In some ways the anxiety of the unknown overpowered reality. In some ways my insides just want this whole process to just be… well… done processing. As a good friend wrote today… “it’s so very hard to watch your children continue to go through unnecessary hurts. You are ready for them to heal and put…
willing.
I was recently invited to share our story with a group of families who were completing their foster care license. I thought you might enjoy hearing some of the pieces of our story, too. After 5 years of marriage, my husband and I electively chose to expand our family through foster care adoption. (Brief pause……
why we said “no” to the potential of a half sibling
When you express interest in adopting a sibling set, sooner or later someone asks you … “So if the bio parent(s) has another child(ten) would you be willing to be a resource?” My husband and I digested this question last spring and at the time our answer was, “We’d be willing to discuss it.” At…
that little piece of paper in my prayer box
MIGHT BE ANSWERED. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (^ that’s me bursting with excitement in my heart!!!) I mentioned back in February that I have this tiny piece of paper in a prayer box that a friend gave me… it reads “big brother and little sister to be adopted by May 2015″. My husband and I learned today that bio…
a test to be content
I realized this morning that today was likely the day we’d hear any news because when I contacted the kiddos’ social worker on Wednesday she had not been in contact with bio dad yet. I kept my phone out during lunch just in case the social worker was going to call. Crickets. It was 3:30pm…
my attitude explained.
You might have read the recent update and wondered, “Why isn’t Marcy much happier with the outcome?” You’re so receptive because I do typically exude exclamation. It’s because bio dad requested a May visit so that he could celebrate little sister’s birthday – which is in late May. My interpretation on how this would come…
this weekend’s agenda is pending…
Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement! My love language is totally words of affirmation, so thank you for filling my love tank. Thanks to a fellow foster mom, a former co-worker, and our licensing worker for sharing recommendations for a child psychologist… we have an appointment a week from tomorrow for…
2 Victories & 2 Brainstorms
Our licensing worker called today out of the blue and said she had a resource that can do big brother’s eval for FREE (Medicaid provider). Oh, and the opening is tomorrow afternoon. I had no idea she was trying to work a different solution. I quickly looked at my calendar and said I’ll make that…
an additional May visit just got added…
We were anticipating May 9 being the “goodbye” visit. Upon arrival to today’s kiddo visit with bio dad we were told the goodbye can’t take place until after the judge hears the parental rights terminiation petitions. (Say that 5 times fast!) That hearing is May 22. We knew this sequence of events but mapping out…
the hardest part of the journey for our children
A few years ago my dad gave me a dry erase calendar on Christmas. It’s one of those with a small, rectangular cork section at the bottom. At the beginning of every month I wipe the writing clean and plot our family’s schedule… gymnastics… therapy… church… and any night’s my husband or I are working…
totally didn’t anticipate any of this…
TGIF couldn’t be more appropriate this week. Yesterday I received news that bio mom was released from prison. My immediate reaction… as was my husband’s… was “What?!” In case you are fuzzy on the details (because there are so many) she was supposed to be in for 4 months with a release date of July-ish.…
One signature down! // One to go!
Holy Wow (not a typo) folks!!! Bio dad signed papers today!!!!!!!! And oddly but necessary… I was asked to sign as a witness. Wasn’t expecting that and in case you’re wondering I had to list my address. Awkward. I was advised to use my work address. So what’s next? Bio mom’s lawyer is going to…
She said yes…
We had a 30-minute call with the team and bio family today and it was brought up that bio dad signed the consent to terminate his parental rights. The topic was broached with bio mom about her predicament and rights… apparently there is a statute that states that if a parent involuntarily (not by choice)…
I am woman, hear me roar
There is more than one way to skin a cat. After much consideration and leaning on friends, I decided to reach out to the Juvenile Officer (JO) yesterday via email. I copied the social worker and opened with an “I apologize if I’m out of line to ask.” My reasoning was that if I was…
supporting through the grey
One of the hardest parts at the present stage of the journey is that big brother and little sister are not aware that they will be adopted. They know that we are a family they can live with for a long time and that their bio parents have things they have to work on. The…
Diamond in the rough
As we continue to fill out paperwork (at each medical appointment … children in care have a special form that gets to get completed by the medical provider and then I get to send it in – via email – to the social worker… every. single. time. a kiddo is sick or has a wellness/vision/dental…
so I have this penpal…
She is in her 70s and she lives across the state. She and her husband – who both have wonderful unique names – live on a farm. On the opposite side of the state. [In case you’re super curious… her name is Velda and her husband’s is Garold <— correct spelling, rhymes with Harold) She…
34 days until the goodbye visit
So what exactly is going on in our home and hearts right now? As our kids would say, “A little bit of this, and a little bit of that.” Name Writing Big brother has been practicing spelling his first and last name for a full year now. Although, if asked, he knows his first name…
“She signed”
I read these exact words as a text this afternoon and immediately jumped up from my desk with cheerleader style “woo!” arms. I hugged the other women on my team one by one and we celebrated and reviewed the next steps. What a milestone. (No, I was never a cheerleader but my high school cross…
3 more Fridays…
This week marked a pretty big and unexpected milestone. The kids have their adopted first and last name on a printed document!! Pool passes. Okay… so it’s not a legal document, but it is something furnished by another party that has big brother and little sister’s NAMES on them. Pardon me while I do a…
a soggy tissue and a firm high five
There are moments in life when you feel a sense of relief when a friend breaks up with someone who totally treated them like trash. And then there are moments when you’re the person who was broken up with and you weep surprised that you were broken up with at all. Maybe these feelings are…
anticipating the surprise…
*MILESTONE ALERT* My partner and I signed the first set of papers tonight that get us one step closer to getting the adoption hearing schedule!! Lord-willing, the 45 day timer will start in the next week. AND as it turns out… we should be able to move the adoption hearing to earlier in August. Yes,…
a hiccup follows yesterday’s milestone, please pray
After trying out scenarios for the closing/goodbye visit (i.e. will bio mom announce her pregnancy, will bio gma and great gma say they will see the kiddos again when they are 18… I pray these conversations do not happen), it dawned on me that having the adoption hearing in the old town is totally not…
I surrender.
This week has been filled with wavering emotions by the hour. I’m fortunate to have running partners who are helping me process and prepare for this coming weekend. Likewise, my life partner is riding this out with me arm in arm as are my wonderful co-workers. I’ve had moments of anger thinking about how on…
What a ride.
The topic is meant to describe both today as well as our journey. Today started at 4AM with packing last things and getting the kids up and in the car. And if you’re wondering our best attempts to sleep in the car didn’t work today. Too much excitement about donuts and a sprayground. Once loaded…
“I didn’t want to tell you…”
We took our first family vacation last week. Parts were magical. Parts were carefree. Parts were full of teaching big brother and little sister what a vacation is… it’s about resting, having fun, and trying new things. We stayed on a private 60-acre lake and spent waking hours fishing, boating, swimming, and also make s’mores.…
and so in closing…
This is the final post to blogging about this season of our lives on this site. I now have a new-found appreciation for weekends in town and months where I’m not spending 3/4ths of the month planning for a drive across the state… and carrots to lessen pain and distract. We feel extremely grateful to…